Chalmers Reserve Event Wine – SNL


>>HI.
I’M FRED CHALMER’S.>>AND I’M LEEZAN.
YOU MAY RECOGNIZE US FROM OUR REALITY SHOW “THE NASTIEST
SUMMER RENTERS IN SAG HARBOR.”>>IT’S THE SHOW THAT WON
SPECTRUM CABLE AWARD FOR UNHAPPIEST GROUP.
>>IT’S BEEN CANCELED ALREADY.>>UNLIKE OUR BRAND NEW WINE,
CHALMER’S RESERVE EVENT WINE.>>CHALMER’S IS AN AFFORDABLE
WINE THAT, UNLIKE OUR SHOW, WON’T RECEIVE ANY COMPLAINTS.
>>AFTER THE FIRST SIP, GUESTS WILL BE LIKE, “THIS CAN’T BE
RIGHT. I MUST HAVE MISTASTED THIS.”
>>BY THE SECOND SIP, THEY WON’T KNOW A GREAT WINE FROM LEFTOVER
HOT DOG WATER.>>THEY’LL BE MORE CONCERNED
ABOUT, “HOW DID I GET IN THE POOL?”
OR, “WHY AM I BEING CHASED IN THIS WIG?”
>>AND, HEY, IT MAY EVEN USHER IN YOUR FIRST LESBIAN
EXPERIENCE.>>THAT GOES FOR THE MEN AS
WELL.>>LET OUR WINEMAKERS TELL YOU
HOW WE’RE ABLE TO MAKE SUCH A WONDERFUL WINE FOR UNDER $1 A
BOTTLE.>>THE PROCESS IS WHAT WE
CALL –>>THIS MEANS THE WINE IS MADE
FROM THE GRAPES THAT DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT FOR THE BETTER WINE.
>>THE ONES THAT I GOT TO PULL OFF THE CONVEYOR BELT BECAUSE
THEY WERE FLAT ON ONE SIDE OR HAD A MOLE ON THE TOP.
>>WE ALSO USE THE TWIGS AND THE TRASH THAT WERE SORTED AWAY FROM
THE PREMIUM GRAPES.>>AND OF COURSE THE DISTILLED
YELLOW CORN.>>IT’S THE CORN THAT COVERS UP
THE TASTE OF THE GRAPE.>>BECAUSE THE GRAPE, IT’S NO
GOOD.>>THANK YOU.
YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE MOTEL NOW.
>>I ASK THEM IS THIS LIKE A WINE FOR DOGS OR SOMETHING?
THEY LAUGH, AND THEY SAY, KINDA.>>YOU’RE OVERWHELMING THEM WITH
THE DETAILS.>>IT WAS FUN LEARNING ABOUT THE
PROCESS FROM YOU TO, SO BYE.>>ALSO, THIS IS THE OWN WINE
YOU GOT TO PUT IN A TOOTH GUARD BEFORE YOU DRINK IT BECAUSE IT
STAINS YOUR TEETH, AND IT DON’T EVER COME OUT.
>>BECAUSE WE’VE GOT TO USE THE DYE.
THE GRAPES FOR THIS WINE AREN’T EVEN WINE.
>>BEFORE COLOR, THIS WINE IS BROWN.
>>THAT IS WHY WE THINK IT IS FOR THE DOG BECAUSE IT SMELL
LIKE THE CHICKEN BONE TOO.>>HEY, MAN, DON’T BE GIVING
AWAY OUR SECRETS.>>I THINK WE ALL UNDERSTAND HOW
THE WINE IS MADE NOW. PLEASE GO.
>>WE ARE NOT PROUD OF THIS WINE.
>>WE GO TO HELL MAYBE FOR MAKING THIS WINE.
>>WE’RE NOT EVEN ITALIAN.>>WE SIGN A CONTRACT SAY WE GOT
TO TALK LIKE THIS FOR A YEAR.>>AND OUR ITALIAN ACCENTS ARE
NO GOOD.>>PLEASE LEAVE.
YOU’RE DONE.>>YOU STILL OWE US.
>>KEEP CHECKING YOUR MAILBOX.>>TAKE YOUR OLD WORLD CHARM AND
GET ON THE LOSER TRAIN.>>YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE LAST OF
US.>>WHOA, BABY, YOU TOLD THEIR
ITALIAN ASSES OFF.>>DAMN RIGHT.
>>GOOD LORD, NO. I THINK MY HAIR IS ON FIRE.
>>YOUR CHICKENS HAVE COME HOME TO ROOST.
>>WHAT ABOUT ME?>>YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
AND SO AM I.>>CHALMER’S RESERVE EVENT WINE.
MMM MMM.

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